It's not difficult to find people ready to point out all the things wrong with you. Everyone is ready to give you advice that will help you be a better person.
I see ads ALL the time for people who are willing to let you pay them so they can do whatever is more socially acceptable. Make up, hair, clothes, health, music, tv, education, etc. I want to hire all these people. Then I see my insecurities all to well.
I spend so much time trying to improve myself and my life that I have very little time to actually live it!
I go to the gym at least 3 days a week. I started going because I needed to move from a state of extremely unhealthy into a state of super model. Not really, but I want to be healthy again. It was getting really difficult to make myself keep going! There is something bitter about doing something that is really difficult to do with no immediate evidence of change. Especially when it's so easy to get out of!
I ended up changing my way of thinking. I don't go to look good or get in shape (that's just a benefit). Now I go because it's two hours of child care where my boys can get their energy out while I basically talk to people :D I can read, I can take my pent up anxiety out on the trainers... ugh I mean, machines! And I have noticed that when I am there, I smile more. Yes, there are plenty medical reasons for this reaction (endorphins and such), but I don't think about the reasons... I think, "Hmm... that's a positive place for me to go" so I go back.
I could easily point out SEVERAL things that I could dwell on... how I look when I'm running (IS NOT PRETTY), how I am not as social as I used to be (big deal for me), how there's no immediate effect of the work I put into it (SO annoying sometimes!), how everyone else seems to have a work out buddy but I don't (poor lonely me)! All these things did/do sometimes run through my mind, but I decided I don't care about them really. They are the weeds. They stop me from enjoying working out.
I could spend months/years finding the perfect outfit to secure my lovely lady lumps, I could do exercises that always benefit the same area so I'd see the effects more immediate, leach on to someone for some companionship, but I'm missing the whole point! Finally I stop and think, "I am SO off track! What rabbit hole did go down to get this far off track?"
I like positive people. I like real people. I won't lie, I like those dramatic people who never think they are talking about themselves too :D They are so funny! Probably not on purpose, but they do make life fun! (Smiling is so important.)
If I am asking myself how I can change to fit in better... I may need to find a new atmosphere or maybe it's just time to change my way of thinking :) Oh and that's not as simple as that I know, but when you are ready to release that to God, He gives you the grace to make that permanent change in your belief system. Then again, if you are surrounded by people constantly pointing that fault out, it'd be a lot easier to surrender the wrong way of thinking if you got out of the situation. It may be their fault for being jerks, but you can choose not to accept it. You can choose to get away from it. A lie from a smiley face is still a lie.
I still let people dictate my identity. I spent years refusing to believe this because I knew I wasn't supposed to, but having people constantly telling me how/what I need to change makes it difficult to find my identity in the only One that matters. Even telling me that I need to do that... is still reinforcing my identity as not being there.
From Bondage: So please tell me how to change for you so you can stand to be around me where I don't make your own insecurities blindingly painful for you...
To Freedom: ______________________________________________ (<- blank slate/empty flower bed)
Proud of you, friend. Doing things you enjoy is life changing. Only one opinion matters for sure. Loves.
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